All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for MONDAY. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» BACK! Neighbours, BBC1, 5.35pm Libby doesn't know what to do now Darren is back. Well we know what we would do – shag him!
» ALSO BACK! Bad Girls, ITV1, 9pm Fenner is going all out to get Neil Grayling dismissed for being a bum pest – but help is at hand from an unlikely source – Karen Betts (ie Claire King, ie Kim Tate). Karen was last seen being carted off to prison herself after Fenner fitted her up for a hit-and-run by donning a blonde wig, stealing her car and mowing down an innocent pedestrian, so it's fair to say she has an axe to grind.
» NOT BACK! Comedy Connections, BBC1, 10.35pm This week, Hi De Hi is under the sitcom spotlight. But can the rumour we have heard that Su Pollard has declined to take part in the show really be true? Don't let us down, Su!
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.