All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for TUESDAY. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» BETTER! Emmerdale, ITV, 7pm Edna is starting to feel more like her old self again after her accident – ie a right miserable old cow.
» SHOCKER! Holby City, BBC1, 8pm Chrissie's mother sets her up with a hunky new doctor – but it's her crinkly old ma he's really interested in. Poor Chrissie is left with egg on her face when her tells her she's a hatchet-faced boot who looks much older than her years. What a cad!
» GAYER! The Simpsons, Sky 1, 8pm Homer is not happy when Marge befriends a bummer. He feels that the man has tricked him by not behaving gay enough ("I like my men to be men and my homosexuals flaming!"), and is soon worried that Bart will "catch gay".
» FUNNIER! Absolutely Fabulous, UKTV Gold, 11pm A flashback to the first series, and one of the very best episodes ever made – a crazy mix of isolation tanks, school open days and Romanian babies.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.