All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Wednesday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» NEE-NAW! GMTV, from 6am, ITV1 Lisa Maxwell, better known as DI Samantha Nixon in The Bill, joins Eamonn and Fiona on the sofa this morning. Almost worth getting up early for. But not quite.
» WHEEEEEEE! When Pilots Eject, 8pm, Five Anyone who claims they wouldn't press a big red "eject" button if left alone in an aeroplane is, frankly, a fucking liar – just like the people who say that they wouldn't put a tea cosy on their head if they found themselves alone in a room with one.
» BLEEP! The Truth Behind The Moon Landings, 9pm, Five Conspiracy theorists (and lowculture's gran) have long been convinced that man never actually set foot on the moon, and that the whole thing was just a complicated hoax. Is there any truth in their fanciful claims? Was Neil Armstrong just hiding in a cupboard at Cape Canaveral all along? A sceptic and a believer lock horns as they argue the toss about the whole thing.
» Are we missing something great? Or even something rubbish – we're honestly not fussed! Click on the comment link below and tell us all about it.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.