Friday, May 28, 2004
TURMOIL OVER A DUCK, ROLLING AROUND IN THE MUCK, A LESSON IN JUST HOW BADLY LIFE CAN SUCK AND NIPPING OUT FOR A CASUAL CHAT WITH A FEMALE FRIEND
The soaps are all fucking brilliant at the moment, aren't they? And tonight will be no exception.
» First of all, there's a big shock in NEIGHBOURS (BBC1, 5.35pm). Sky, it seems, has decided that she has been wasting her life idolising her dead mother Kerry, after discovering that her old ma's duck hunt-foiling antics weren't quite as heroic as she has always believed. According to the Laws Of Soap, the only way to overcome such a disappointment is to undergo a complete change of appearance and personality overnight, which is exactly what Sky does. So out goes the dyed black hair and neo-goth look, to be replaced by flowing blonde locks and pretty dresses. How will the idiots of Ramsay Street react? And will they remember she ever had a different personality by Monday? Probably not.
» EMMERDALE (ITV1, 7pm) has been booting EastEnders right up the arse with its sturdy, sensible farming boots recently. This week alone has seen Jack struggling with his conscience after finding out his son is a shotgun-wielding maniac, Sadie going all-out to discredit the gloriously dreadful Charity, and Zoe The Lesbian giving serious thought to turning her back on the front bottom as realised she had feelings for Scott. Tonight, Chastity is failing to live up to her name (as usual) as she tries to find a suitable venue for some shagging. Dirty cow.
» EASTENDERS (BBC1, 8pm) is showing definite signs of improvement, even though it's still about as cheerful and life-affirming as witnessing an execution. There have been some quite nice moments this week as Alfie tries to reassure Kat that they will be able to rebuild their marriage after she put out to pay off his debts. But despite this, the sooner that helter skelter comes crashing down on the whole miserable bunch, the happier we will be. Tonight Chrissie thinks Den is cheating on her. We hate her, and hope he is.
» There simply aren't the words to describe just how brilliant CORONATION STREET (ITV1, 7.30pm and 8.30pm) has been this week. Well, actually, there probably are, but we can't be bothered looking them up. Tonight we are going to be spoiled again with another double helping (make sure you don't miss one!) – and there's vengeance in the air. For starters, Fred is gunning for his duplicitous golfing buddy, and nosey Norris decides to take out his frustrations on Les and Chesney by reporting them to social services. Poor gay Todd comes off worst of all, though. It seems like everyone is out to get him as he tries to pick up the pieces of his life. Do you think he would like a hug?
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