Tuesday, January 13, 2004
NOT VERY GOOD, WE DEFINITELY WOULD, MISUNDERSTOOD, REMEMBERED WITH WOOD
It's a boring old day in the soap world. If you got any good DVDs for Christmas, today would be a good time to give them a spin.
HOME AND AWAY (Five, 6pm) is, like most soaps where something really exciting happens, suffering from 'post-good-bit-rubbishness-syndrome' as everyone goes around accusing everyone else of Angie's murder. Wake us up the next time someone is being stalked by the ghost of their late partner, please (we predict it won't be long until Leah starts hearing funny noises).
The honeymoon is over for Ben and Izzy in HOLLYOAKS (Channel 4, 6.30pm), and the miserable cow is tired of married life already. Now that hear chief blackmail ploy (ie threatening not to marry Ben unless he did exactly as she demanded at all times) is no longer an option, she's feeling restless. Get over it, Izzy. If you don't want him, the queue starts right behind us.
Zoe Tate's character has been through many different incarnations over the years in EMMERDALE (ITV1, 7pm). Nice lady, nice lesbian lady, bonkers lady and now, the one we've all been waiting for – complete fucking bitch lady. She's determined to see Charity go down for Chris's murder, even though she knows that she didn't murder him at all. Charity is beginning to fear that she really will go to prison for something she didn't do, so it's left up to Cain to cheer her up. Cos he's a real bundle of laughs, isn't he?
If in doubt, plant a tree. That's Natalie's motto for the day in EASTENDERS (BBC1, 7.30pm) as, deprived of the opportunity to go to Barry's funeral, she decides to stage a private memorial for herself, Pat and Jack. But there's trouble in store, as the merry widow turns up to steal the show. Catfight! Surely the logical conclusion of this story is one of them emptying Barry's ashes over the other's head? We can but hope.