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ORLANDO BLOOM'S BIRTHDAY FACT FRENZY

Oh, how we here at lowculture would like to give fit Brit actor Orlando the bumps and blow out his candle this fine Tuesday (or any other day).
For today the self-described "pointy-eared bow-twanger" of Lord of the Rings fame turns 27, and to celebrate, we've cobbled together 10 facts about our favourite movie star named after a holiday destination.
Just bear in mind each second fact is a fabrication conjured up by the foul lord Saruman to cast confusion into the minds of weak hobbits.
1. Thrill-chaser Orlando's love of extreme sports has led him to fracture his skull three times, break both legs, his nose, arm, finger, wrist and a couple of ribs.
2. But the most embarrasing incident happened during the 1995 finals of no-holds-barred tiddlywinks,when Orli broke his wind twice in front of judges. Thankfully, it was a clean fracture and left no permanent marks.*
3. Orlando decided to become an actor as a child, after realising the characters in Superman were all actors.
4. He later decided not to join the cast of what was then Emmerdale Farm, after realising the characters were all farmers.*
5. As a teenager, Orlando appeared in an episode of Casualty in 1994, and was credited merely as "Bit Part".
6. Unfortunately, his constant trips to real hospital saw one of his scenes cut after he yelled at Duffy she was "doing it all wrong" as she bandaged a wound and jeeringly told Clive Mantle he was holding an x-ray of a broken cat's tail, rather than the broken human femur he professed it to be.*
7. His film debut came in 1997, playing an attractive rent boy in bummer's tale Wilde. The equally georgeous Jude Law also starred.
8. Movie fans who missed Wilde might also be unaware of his starring role in low budget flick The Ambassador's Reception, where he infiltrated a nefarious Austrian crack dealers' convention by posing as a butler and carting round a tray of foil-wrapped chocolates.*
9. Orlando made his name by playing the role of Legolas - a tall, svelte archer with long, blonde hair - in the ace fantasy trilogy Lord of the Rings.
10. Early drafts of the script depicted Legolas as a tall, svelte transvestite with a big blonde perm and a bottle of Archer's.*
*not true
» OTHER PEOPLE BLOWING OUT THEIR CANDLES TODAY INCLUDE: Madness frontman Suggs (43) and Michael Bond, creator of Paddington Bear (78).

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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