Wednesday, January 07, 2004
HELEN WORTH'S BIRTHDAY FACT FRENZY
Coronation Street's angular Helen Worth has been an important part of lowculture since it started, so it's only right and proper that we mark her 53rd birthday with a lowculture Birthday Fact Frenzy. This involves listing ten facts which are completely true – except for five, which are false.
1. Helen Worth is shaped like a triangle.
2. Fans of Helen should be glad she is still in Coronation Street at all – she was nearly sacked at the end of her second week for putting a whoopee cushion under Pat Phoenix's chair.*
3. Unlike her television character, Gail Platt, Helen has never been married to anyone who has nipped next door to murder one of the neighbours with a crowbar.
4. It's well known that Helen once made a guest appearance in Doctor Who (as Mary Ashe in "Colony in Space"). But it's not so well known that she was first in line to take over as the Doctor when Tom Baker left the series. Her plans to become a dimension-hopping Timelord came unstuck when Granada refused to release her from her Coronation Street contract.*
5. Helen was once caught unawares by the Daily Star – with her tits out.
6. Helen and her TV mum, Audrey Roberts, have not said a word to each other since 1979, after an argument over the ownership of a tin of Peak Freans biscuits.*
7. "helen worth topless" was the tenth most popular search that led people to lowculture in March 2003. And we didn't even have the picture. Suckers!
8. Helen's top three 911 songs are: 1) Bodyshakin'. 2) How Do You Want Me To Love You. 3) Party People (Friday Night).*
9. She was a guest at the wedding of Joan Collins and Percy Gibson.
10. Ever noticed a similarity between Helen and Knotts Landing star Joan Van Ark? That's because Joan is Helen's second cousin on her mother's side.*
* Not true
» OTHER LESS SIGNIFICANT, BUT NO LESS SIGNIFICANT PEOPLE CELEBRATING TODAY INCLUDE: Generally unfunny comedienne Sandra Bernhard (49) ... Songwriter Kenny Loggins, whose many hits include Footloose (56) ... TV presenter Mark Lamarr, who no longer has a distinctive haircut we can pass comment upon (37).
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