Monday, January 05, 2004
INFLATABLE TITS, A MUM WHO'S THE PITS, BIZARRE SCREAMING FITS AND A BATTLE OF WITS
Yikes! The storms in EMMERDALE (ITV1, 7pm) must have been worse than we thought – tonight, Zoe is "struggling to keep Home Farm afloat". Perhaps she could use Chastity Dingle's tits as some sort of buoyancy aid? Elsewhere, Marlon is willing Tricia to live – he's obviously not seen the cover of TV Quick, which makes it quite clear that she's not long for this world.
Awful Angie is still causing trouble in HOME AND AWAY (Five, 6pm), and she's losing friends at an alarming rate. Tonight, even her son Dylan is having doubts about whether he can still stand by his evil mother. We reckon she will get more and more crazy as the week goes on, then stop getting crazy around Thursday – just wait and see why!
Helen is still harbouring a slightly illogical grudge against Ruth in HOLLYOAKS (Channel 4, 6.30pm). Anyone would think that Ruth had regularly beaten Helen's son Lewis to a pulp before forcing him to witness her lingering death from an overdose of painkillers, rather than the other way around. But we're talking about a woman who once had a bit on the side with Tony, so it's safe to say that her judgement is a bit wonky at the best of times.
Monday is the big night for drama in CORONATION STREET (ITV1, 7.30 and 8.30pm) now they've got that handy cliffhanger between episodes to keep viewers hooked. Tonight, batty Brenda snatches the unfortunate Bethany and takes her to the church roof, fully intending to chuck the pair of them off so Beth can "be with daddy in heaven". The poor child has had to endure more attempts on her life than most toddlers can reasonably expect, but we have a feeling that a guardian angel will come to her rescue just in the nick of time. Or, possibly, a guardian Emily Bishop.
Finally, in EASTENDERS (BBC1, 8pm), Pat and Natalie are distraught at the news of Barry's death, and are keen to help Janine with the funeral arrangements. But hold on a minute – what's that urn-shaped item Janine's swinging around in a bin liner?
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