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FEELING QUITE STRESSED, GETTING UNDRESSED, AND UNDER ARREST

There's a bit about high-functioning alcoholics just below this (never let it be said that lowculture is afraid to tackle the important social issues of the day – albeit with a wink and a cheeky, boyish grin). and it's starting to look like Dr Karl in NEIGHBOURS (BBC1, 5.35pm) is well on his way to becoming one. He's come a long way since the days when the most he had to worry about was whether Billy's sheep was eating the rhubarb.
Suspicion is mounting in HOME AND AWAY (Five, 6pm), as everyone seems to have had the means and the motive to do in Angie. As we're bored of the whole thing now, we've decided to tell you who it was. Click over to the Spoiler Zone for the details.
Robert Sugden continues his one-man mission to shag all the ladies of EMMERDALE (ITV1, 7pm) by continuing his affair with brother Andy's girlfriend, Katie. It's only a matter of time before they get caught, and the laws of soap dictate that it must be Andy's long-lost little brother, Daz, who finds them. But someone else is going to interrupt their fun first, as you will see tonight...
Rita is carted off by the police tonight in CORONATION STREET (ITV1, 7.30pm) for clouting horrible little Chesney. We reckon she deserves a medal, actually, but then that wouldn't be nearly as exciting. Especially interesting will be the spectacle of two officers of the law trying to fit Rita's huge hairdo into the back of their little car.
One of the ladies is having a considerably better time than Rita, though. Bev and Charlie have such a good time on their lunch date that they decide to sneak off to his place for a bit of slap and tickle. A fiver says he's banging Shelley by the end of February while Bev looks on jealously.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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