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What's another five reviews?

Hoorah! The end is near – here are the last few lowculture Eurovision verdicts. Mind you, we have it on good authority that we have a celebrity reader – the lovely Lorraine Kelly has been logging on for our daily updates. Which kind of makes it all worthwhile, doesn't it?

22) BELGIUM » Sanomi – Urban Trad
» THE WORDS...
Sanomi Helé
Manilla Keranu
Aliya Irema Nia Lago
Ture Madile
» THE VERDICT... Wondering why the lyrics aren't translated into English like all the others? That's because thos crazy Belgians have made up a whole new language, especially for this song. It's a little bit to folk-y for our pure pop tastes, but it might be quirky enough to pick up a few points.
» BET YOU NEVER KNEW... Urban Trad was formed with the aim of bringing folk and traditional music to a broader audience, and you can't get much broader than the whole of Europe, can you? This means their work is done, and they should disband immediately.

23) ESTONIA » Eighties Coming Back – Ruffus
» THE WORDS...
You said let's do it, let's take it out and dance all night
But those deep synthesiser sounds freak you out
Now you wake up in the middle of the night
In terror all you do is cry.
» THE VERDICT... Deeply offensive song by a supremely ugly group. We hope this gets no points whatsoever.
» BET YOU NEVER KNEW... Ruffus, who were formerly known as Claire's Birthday, entered the contest as a last resort to find success.

24) ROMANIA » Don't Break My Heart – Nicola
» THE WORDS...
You gotta learn to smile, you're still so young
Let's make a deal, don't waste your time
You gotta learn to fight, do you understand oh baby?
» THE VERDICT... Nicola's video guides us through the steps you need to take to write a Eurovision winner. The first is: 'Write a good song'. Unfortunately, Nicola doesn't even manage that. The most inappropriate-and-four-years-too-late use of a drum and bass backing track since S Club's Gangsta Love.
» BET YOU NEVER KNEW... Nicola has been trying to make it onto the Eurovision stage since 1992.

25) SWEDEN » Give Me Your Love – Fame
» THE WORDS...
You can turn my winter into summer
You can be my wonder every day
Every time I see you I just wanna hold you
I wish you felt the dame way that I do
» THE VERDICT... Unbelievably, this distinctly average song beat Alcazar's mighty Not A Sinner, Nor A Saint in the Swedish heats. As usual, the Swedish song sounds a bit like Abba, and not in any of the good ways. The singers, Jessica and Magnus, look old enough to be our own Gemini's parents.
» BET YOU NEVER KNEW... Jessica and Magnus met last year while competing in the Swedish version of Fame Academy.

26) SLOVENIA » Nanana – Karmen
» THE WORDS...
He sang to me nanananana
So naturally he set my heart on fire
He truly was my one desire
Oh baby how he was nananana
» THE VERDICT... Call us old-fashioned, but we're secretly pleased that Slovenia have carried on that old Eurovision tradition, the nonsense title. The song's not bad either, even though it's another one that makes you think of something else you can't quite put your finger on (unless your finger is on Runaway, which came 8th for Estonia last year).
» BET YOU NEVER KNEW... Karmen won her chance to represent Slovenia at her fourth attempt.

» If you want to check the entries out for yourself, tune in to BBC1 from 8pm tonight, and don't forget to switch to BBC3 at 11pm for Lorraine Kelly's Liquid Eurovision post-mortem. And if you missed previous verdicts, just scroll down a bit, or check the archive.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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