The schlock you won't want to miss today
» Crossroads 5pm, ITV1 ... Max tries to make his peace with Ethan Black, with little success.
» TOTP2 6.45pm, BBC2 ... We have Kylie and Jason, Madonna, the London Boys (yes, they were killed in a car crash) and Big Fun (and no, they weren't). And if all that's making you giddy, you had better sit down now, cos they've got Martika on as well!
» Liquid Eurovision 8pm, BBC Three ... We're assured that the producers of this ace programme are upping the camp factor on a daily basis, so make sure you don't miss former contestants Sestra (they were the bunch of transvestites who came 13th last year) and regular Liquid News presenter Claudia Winkeman with Lorraine Kelly tonight.
» The Curse Of Big Brother 9pm, Five ... A load of people we no longer care about moan about things we've all forgotten about.
» Celebrity Detox Camp 10pm, Five ... Blackwood alert! Avoid at all costs.
» Night and Day Midnight, ITV1 (Not Scotland) ... The last one! Unmissable (unless you're in Scotland, of course).
» Is there something else we should be watching? Click on the comment link.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.