Sunday, December 30, 2007
Ring out the old, bring in the new
ANOTHER YEAR OVER! New Year's Eve telly Labels: 2007, 2008, come dine with me, Coronation Street, EastEnders, films, jam and jerusalem, new year, sense and sensibility, Shameless, Spice Girls
So, 2007, then. The year that brought us two Big Brother race rows, Any Dream Will Do, Harry Potter film 5 and book 7, floods, an actually good remake in the form of Hairspray, a new Prime Minister, Heroes, LOLyoaks, McDean, Ugly Betty, Martha Jones, Steven Beale, data loss by the government, High School Musical 2, David Platt, the LC chatroom, the rise of misplaced apostrophes, Facebook for the masses, John Simm as The Master, X, Gavin and Stacey (and also Max and Stacey... ewww), Britney's shaved head, Tangled Up, King Biggins, Umbrella, Enchanted, Same Difference, Big Evva, Sarah Jane Adventures, Stardust and THAT Indy article.
So, how are our TV schedulers sending this year out? Well, five is basically not bothering, with only the film version of Oliver! at 4:20pm of any note - and with their recent mini-series and the upcoming I'd Do Anything, the Beeb has missed a trick by not getting this one. They don't have any show whatsoever to mark midnight. Channel Four are doing little better. They also fail to have anything happening over midnight, although they have a Monty Python evening beginning at 8. However, they do up the ante somewhat with a new series of LC fave Come Dine With Me at the ridiculous hour of 4:55pm, so you best start remembering to set those videos/PVRs/Sky+'s when you go back to work..._vernonliz-714932.jpg)
ITV1 also has little on offer, although there is a double bill of Coronation Street at 7:30 and 8:30pm, where we see if Liz McDonald will marry Tricky Dicky off of EastEnders. The channel sees the new year in with a Take That and Friends at the O2 Arena at 11:15pm, which is a bit odd, but hey. They then try and grab Channel 4's audience with Monty Python's The Meaning of Life at 12:45 am, and you can cleanse your mind of images of Hollyoaks' Rubbish Tranny in fishnets with a showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show at 2:40am.
As is usually the case with big occasions, BBC1 has it all in the bag tonight, with a new series of Celebrity Mastermind at 6:30pm, followed by Spice Girls: Giving You Everything at 7, in which all five give interviews about their rise, their break-up, their fame and their reunion. Oh, and Geri cries. The 8pm episode of EastEnders ensures that Kevin Wicks (and thus half of Walford) will not be having a very happy new year, then at 8:35 we have The Vicar of Dibley Story which is basically a talking-heads/clip show thing and we think it was on last year, but what the hey.
As for the big 'see in the new year' shows, we have The Big Finish at 9:40, where Graham Norton and a bunch of celebs go over the year's events in much the same way Clive James always used to do, presumably in the format of the Bigger Picture which we were the only people who liked. Then you should turn over to BBC2 at 11:10 for Jools' Annual Hootenanny with Paul McCartney, Kate Nash, Kaiser Chiefs and KYLIE MINOGUE OBE. Yes, that's KYLIE. KYLIE HOO(TENANNY). BBC1 is also doing some actual rubbishy see-in-the-new-year thing at 11:10. Myleene Klass, naturally, will be there. No word on the Barrowman yet, but fear not, you can always watch this if you want to see out 2007 in the presence of its two most omnipresent personalities:
So long, 2007! And to show we still love our Scottish friends despite Leon, let's all join hands and sing: 'Should auld acquaintance be forgot....'
Anyway, enough of that, we have a whole new year to be getting on with, and our dear telly schedulers are heralding this new era with... well, loads of very old movies, in fact, the same ones that they show on every New Year's Day, although they are all packed with LC icons: Bedknobs and Broomsticks, 12:20pm, BBC1, Mary Poppins, 4:05pm, ITV1, Singin' in the Rain, 3:10p, Channel 5, and, ummm, Sister Act 2, 3:25pm, BBC1. BBC1 also sneaks in a repeat of Kylie Who at 2:15pm.
Pink Name. There is are two newish films on today - BBC2 premieres Finding Neverland at 5:30pm, and Channel 4 premieres Fantastic Four at 8:10pm, and we never got round to seeing these at the pictures, so that will be nice.
But there are three main events tonight, two of which clash, so make sure you are armed with Channel 4+1, 4OD or BBC iPlayer to avoid heartache. The first big offering of the evening is Sense and Sensibility on BBC1 at 9:10pm. You may think you have seen versions of this before, and you'd be right, but, like Dickens, it seems you can never have too many versions of Austen on the telly. This is followed by the first episode in the new series of Jam and Jerusalem. Now, this series divided people first time round, and we must admit, it took us a few episodes to get into it, but we soon grew to love the characters (played by the best ensemble of British female talent until, and since, Cranford, with David Mitchell and one or two other men cropping up) and the setting. Think of it less as a full-on sitcom and more as a gently funny drama and you'll love it, we promise. Well, you might, anyway. Oh, and just to warn you, episode two is this Friday. We will remind you of this at the time.
The other big hitter, which Paul gave you a teaser of a few weeks ago, is the opener of series 5 of Shameless. Now, series four was pretty below-par, but we hold out higher hopes for this one, with the promises of Lilian's knocking shop, Ian bumming Carl's teacher, Mimi having weight issues, and, er, a beach. In tonight's episode, Frank is told he only has days to live, and presumably hilarious high jinks ensue. Unfortunately Monica is still around, but fortunately, so is Norma. And who knows, maybe Monica will decide to bugger off again soon. We can hope.
Here are the first fruits of 2008, then. We'll be with you for the rest of it: Mistresses, Big Brother, Dancing on Ice, Torchwood, Doctor Who, Rubbish Tranny getting his comeuppance (we can hope), Strictly Come Dancing, The X Factor, The Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2008, and maybe even The Olympics if we get really over-excited.
Happy New Year, lowculture!
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Friday, December 22, 2006
Ho ho ho, bitches (again)
FESTIVE! Christmas Preview Part 2
Hopefully you've had time to digest all of the special festive telly we recommended yesterday, because we're going to jump right back into it:
Now it's December 28th (or it will be, quite soon) and the festive excitingness starts to die down a little, although it should be very interesting to see Marc Warren as Dracula (BBC1, 9.00pm) and those of you seeking something a little more stimulating (steady on, not in THAT WAY) might be interested in Is Benny Hill Still Funny? on Channel 4 at 9.00pm. We'd be inclined to say no, what with him being dead and all, but perhaps we're answering the wrong question there.
On December 29th we'll be stopping everything to watch The Lizzie McG
uire Movie (BBC1, 10.15pm), work or no work, but if you like your films slightly more stimulating (and we do sort of mean in THAT WAY this time), you can watch Will Young in the skinny in Mrs Henderson Presents (BBC1, 9.00pm). Also getting us ridiculously excited will be the terrestrial premiere of High School Musical (BBC1, 5.55pm), which will hopefully mean that we can understand what everyone's been going on about all this time.
Those of who who've stuck with Robin Hood all the way through (well done!) will no doubt be on the edge of your seats for the last episode in the series (damn, it's much easier when you're writing about American shows and can just say "season finale", isn't it?) on December 30th. Also worthy of note is the second part of Little Britain Abroad (BBC1, 9.15pm), Harry Hill's Christmas TV Burp (ITV1, 7.30pm) and the frankly bizarre-sounding Viewer of the Year 2006 (ITV1, 9.00pm).
On New Year's Eve we can assume you'll all be flicking between New Year Live and Jools's
Annual Hootenanny at the moment itself, but earlier on in the day you may find yourself enticed by The Big Finish with Graham Norton (BBC1, 9.00pm), or Frankie's big exit in Coronation Street (ITV1, 7.30pm). There's a terrestrial showing for the ace Fear of Fanny starring Julia Davis and Mark Gatiss (BBC2, 9.00pm) and Channel 4 will be counting down the celebrities that mattered in The 2006 Fame Review at 9.00pm. And if all the antici...pation is too much, ITV3 is showing The Rocky Horror Picture Show at 9.45pm.
And finally on New Year's Day there's...ooh, rather a lot. Matt Lucas, Bob Hoskins and Mark Gatiss star in The Wind in the Willows on BBC1 at 6.20pm, there's an excellent opportunity for some gravetop-dancing in EastEnders Revealed: Goodbye Pauline (BBC1, 8.30pm), the almost definitely last ever episode of The Vicar of Dibley (BBC1, 9.30pm) and another chance to relive the year in celebrity thanks to Five's Most Shocking Celebrity Moments 2006 at 9.00pm. And that's before we take into account the final two episodes of Torchwood starting at 9.30pm on BBC3. Excellent. Now how much longer till the new series of Doctor Who, eh?
And that is that, as Girls Aloud might say. We'll be back on January 2nd, so have a truly awesome festive period!
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Thursday, December 21, 2006
Ho ho ho, bitches
FESTIVE! Christmas Preview Part 1
First, the bad news: LOWCULTURE is going on a festive break tomorrow, so we can eat mince pies and roast our nuts over an open fire and all sorts of other festive things. We know, we know, you're utterly distraught about the very idea of having to cope without us, but rest assured: we'll be back with business as usual from January 2nd. In the meantime, we thought we'd provide you with a bumper preview of top festive telly, part one of which starts right here. Oh yes.
On December 23rd, or Christmas Eve Eve as we like to call it, there is of course Strictly Come Dancing - the Final, although we care now a lot less than we would if the Bunton were still in it, especially since we don't especially like Mark or Karen or Matt. Lilia's ace, though. There's also a very special Casualty two-parter to mark Josh's exit. He might die! But he also might not. On The Other Side, the gap left by The X Factor is painfully obvious, but we'll be clearing some time out to watch Whatever Happened To Gareth Gates?, and we hope Ray and Leona watch it as well.
On Christmas Eve there's...well, not a lot, to be honest. There's a decidedly iffy-sounding light entertainment show on BBC1 called Duet Impossible where apparently new technology makes it possible for stars to sing with their heroes of yesteryear. Yeah. Moving on, there's a bumper 45-minute Christmas special of Never Mind The Buzzcocks on BBC2 at 9.30pm, the network premiere of Calender Girls on BBC1 at 9.30pm, and over on Living TV at 8.00pm there's an America's Next Top Model special where previous winners including Yoanna House (cycle two) and Nicole Linkletter (cycle 5) tell you what they're doing now. Of course, you could just go down to McDonald's and ask them yourself. Also: for a repeat of the brilliantly ridiculous finale to Hollyoaks: In The City, watch E4 at 10.00pm.
Christmas Day brings us the new Doctor Who Christmas special, which is obviously all anyone cares about, so moving on...what? Oh, fine: other programmes on that day include festive editions of EastEnders, Coronation Street and Strictly Come Dancing, as well as comedy probable-finales from The Vicar of Dibley and Little Britain Abroad. We advise you to avoid Ricky Gervais Meets Christopher Guest on Channel 4 at 10pm, because frankly Ricky Gervais doesn't need any more attention than he's already getting, but we do advise you to catch the festive staples that are the Top of the Pops Christmas Special (2.00pm on BBC1, just in case it's never on again) and The Snowman on Channel 4 at 2.30pm. Obviously you'll have to tape one of them.
Boxing Day looks like it might have to be the day where you watch all your DVDs, but there is a very festive Chrissytittybangbang on BBC3 at 9.30pm. People who fancy Johnny Depp (that's everyone, then?) can enjoy Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl on BBC1 at 7.30pm. There's a fascinating-sounding Faking It Burlesque Special on Channel 4 at 9.00pm, and film-wise there's a lot of fun to be had from the double bill of Bedknobs and Broomsticks and the Jamie Lee Curtis/Lindsay Lohan version of Freaky Friday on BBC1 from 2.45pm. If you're truly desperate, you could watch The Charlotte Church Show Christmas Special on Channel 4 at 10.25pm, but we'd only recommend it to the terminally masochistic.
On December 27th we'll be mainly getting very excited about Billie Piper starring in Philip Pullman's The Ruby in the Smoke on BBC1, but also getting some of our attention will be How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?: Connie's Story on BBC1 at 6.30pm and a double bill of Hollyoaks on Channel 4 at 6.00pm where Craig and John Paul come to blows (and not in the way we'd like them to) over Swimbint.
The second and final part comes tomorrow - bet you can't wait, can you?
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