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Property badder

HOUSES! Location, Location, Location: Best and Worst Live, Channel 4, 9.00pm

Hooray! Is it wrong that we totally look forward to this as an annual event? We might even be a little bit psychic because the other week we were wondering if it was time for this show to be on again, and lo and behold: it is. Last year there was a small change to the format: Kirstie was replaced by her sister Sofie (who is essentially the same as Kirstie, just slightly less comfortable in front of the cameras) because she was off having a sprog; this year there's a bigger difference - the show's live, with a public vote being taken on the country's most desirable residences. We're wondering if the citizens of Hackney will be casting votes in their thousands, determined to overrule their placing as the Worst Place to Live in Britain last year.

There isn't going to be quite such a sense of tension and mystery this year since the official bottom 20 have already been put up on the Channel 4 website (click here if you don't mind being spoiled) and, doing our best JK and Joel impression, we can exclusively reveal there's a new number one. The best list is apparently still being kept under wraps, though, so there will be some surprises on the night.

We gather Sofie will be appearing on the show again this year in a sort of roving reporter role, which may cause some kind of Sloaney disruption in the time-space continuum if she and Kirstie are ever on screen together. Actually, we'd kind of like to see that. We can never have too much Kirstie, after all, so having something that equates to more or less two Kirsties is fine by us. We'd also like two Phils next year, if possible.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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