Thursday, March 23, 2006
The moment we've all been waiting for...
TANYA! Footballers' Wives, ITV1, 9.00pm
Tanya Turner and Joan Collins bitch at each other. A lot. What more could you possibly ask for?
...what, you want to know more? How could you possibly need to know anything other than that? Do you even understand what kind of website this is? Oh, fine: having buried another husband, Tanya Turner returns to Earl's Park because, like the ravens and the Tower of London, it will fall to rubble if she's away too long. She bumps into Joan Collins, aka Eva De Wolffe - and as much as we love our job, we'd give it up tomorrow if someone offered us a position naming the characters in this show, because that is surely the best job ever - who happens to have a fine piece of man candy on her arm. Tanya sets her cap at said piece of man candy (because when a man's prior attachment ever stop the formidable Tanya?) and the fur flies. Glorious. We've definitely felt the absence of Tanya in the earlier episodes, and we hope above all hope that her return will raise this show from fake Burberry to top of the range Gucci.
Elsewhere, we've got another classic Footballers' Wives wedding. Hot on the heels of Bruno and Lucy's abortive Pride and Prejudice themed wedding, this time Tremaine and Liberty have an Egyptian themed wedding amid the rumours that the bride is a big dirty lesbian. Of course, sexuality on this show is an extremely fluid thing and most people will just bonk anything that moves - and even some things that don't, Nurse Dunkley - so we wouldn't imagine a little thing like lesbianism or bisexuality or whichever way Liberty swings is going to get in the way of a good old-fashioned trashy nuptial.
Let's be honest, though: it's Tanya we're all here to see. God bless you, ma'am.
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Check out Tanya's MySpace!
http://www.myspace.com/tanya_turner
By 
, at
1:44 pm
Holy shit, that is awesome.
My boyfriend was "playing" a waiter in the restaurant scene. They cut him out though. His "reaction to Tanya's finger click" was highly praised though.
aw your poor boyfriend. i'm sure he will go onto bigger and better things (Bad Girls?)
Am loving the return of tanya turner laslett gates turner federico turner. Joan Collins belly is nearly as big as mine :O
