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New things we know about pop music, hair, soaps, medicine and tits

Tuesday is reading night at West London's glamorous LOWCULTURE Heights. Here are the five best things we learned as we flicked through the week's high-class periodicals:

Stock Aitken Waterman are back in the studio together, reports MUSIC WEEK. Experts are warning that the "boys" will have to be in tune with the music of today to compete, and Pete agrees, although he adds: "If being stuck in a timewarp means selling 30million records again I won't mind".
Sarah Jessica Parker has gone brunette, screams HEAT. Shriek!
Bombhead is leaving Hollyoaks, according to INSIDE SOAP. He's going to run away with the circus to be a human cannonball. Or, if you like, a "bomb" head. Well, really!
Burt Bacharach should not be approached for medical diagnoses. "I spoke to Luther Vandross the night before the stroke," he told BOYZ. "He seemed fine."
Men really like to look at pictures of tits, according to ZOO.

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Keep up the good work
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By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:15 am  

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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