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Stout spouts

Every year, Channel 4's Big Brother spews out another dozen or so losers into reality TV purgatory. These unfortunate survivors are left with the unenviable choice of becoming media whores – in which case they will be denounced as desperate, fame-hungry nonentities – or returning to their ordinary lives – in which case they will be accused of being too rubbish to become media whores.

Only one of their number has managed to successfully balance fame and complete loserdom – namely Cameron Stout, winner of Big Brother Whatever-the-year-it-was-that-Cameron-Stout-won-it. Jade Goody might only have come third in her BB, but she now has a weekly column in Now! magazine. Has she "kept it real" to the extent that our Cameron has? Well no, of course she hasn't, otherwise there wouldn't be much point to this story at all – ie even less point than there was already. Which isn't saying much.

Anyway, where the jiggins were we? Oh, YES! Cameron Stout has managed to land himself a weekly column in an Aberdeen-based local newspaper called the Evening Express. In his latest thrilling epistle, Cameron is getting his gusset wet at the thought of appearing in panto at the local theatre, and the opportunities for star-spotting that the role brings with it.

"We had the press call for Jack And The Beanstalk at His Majesty's Theatre last week," enthused the Stout, "and I can't wait for the curtain to go up.

"As well as meeting Marti Webb – who plays Fairy Daffodil – I also met and later had supper with Lionel Blair.

"And I saw his show, Strictly Ballroom Dancing. Even at nearly 74 he is still a great hoofer!"

So there we have it – Cameron Stout has met Lionel Blair just the once, but even that was enough for him to declare him "a great hoofer". This stuff is fucking dynamite! And it doesn't end there. Meet us back here tomorrow and we will tell you all about how Cameron is supporting a hi-tech articulated truck which will schlep around Scotland delivering the "wow factor" about Jesus to young people.

No, really, we're not making this stuff up!

*PS - Anyone who writes in to suggest that we might have quite happily worked for the Aberdeen Evening Express between 1997 and 1999 will be told to fuck off.

By Paul :: Post link :: ::  
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Didn't you quite happily work for the Evening Express between 1997 and 1999?

Does Take the High Road star Derek Lord still have his weekly column?

When did Dave McDermids house burn down?

By Anonymous QuincyMD, at 12:14 pm  

I believe that Cameron also had a column in Granny's Favourite, The Sunday Post.

By Blogger Kellie, at 12:20 pm  

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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