All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Monday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» WHAT? What Would Jesus Drive?, Channel 4, 8.00pm This joins the long list of programmes we only recommend because their titles are utterly inspired. The content of the show isn't really all that lowculture: it's a documentary looking at a growing minority of Americans disenchanted with mankind's love affair with the automobile, and seeking to educate others about pollution and fuel consumption. Still, you gotta love that title, don'tcha?
» NOT! Britain's Favourite Celebrity Chav, E4, 9.00pm Another stellar piece of high-quality public service broadcasting from E4, as Daniella Westbrook counts down the top 20 personalities deemed to be, well, Britain's favourite celebrity chavs. We despair.
» HOT! Alias, five, 12.10am We developed something of a girlcrush on Jennifer Garner when we saw 13 Going On 30, but even that doesn't quite inspire us to stay up this late. Alias appears to have become yet another of those fabulous US imports that gets thrust into the graveyard slot just to make establishing a solid fanbase a complete impossibility. Set the video, if you remember. And if you do...er, can we borrow it?
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.