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All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Monday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» RAZE! Neighbours, BBC One, 5.35pm
Even though Neighbours is enjoying something of a golden age right now, we're not recommending this for the misadventures of Izzy et al. No, we're recommending this because we need a tenuous Australian link to allow us to show our support for Scat Aid by mentioning late 80s Aussie popstrel Collette, who once promised to 'Raze The Roof'. We don't know if she even managed it or not, but no doubt she was tops either way. But will the Ramsay Street residents be playing their Collette records today? You'll have to tune in to find out.
» CRAZE! I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!, ITV1, 9.00pm
Once again the final is upon us. Just who will be crowned king/queen of the jungle, and follow in the illustrious footsteps of such showbiz luminaries as Tony Blackburn, Phil Tufnell and Kerry McFadden? We haven't got a clue, to be perfectly honest. And since when was Fran Cosgrave a celebrity in his own right, anyway?
» PRAISE! Variety Club Showbusiness Awards 2004, LivingTV, 9.00pm
Another day, another vague and fairly gratuitous awards ceremony. This one covers pretty much every branch of entertainment, but apparently not the internet, because that's the only reason we can discern for why we haven't been nominated for any. Unless it's the gay mafia working against us again, of course. Claire Sweeney (who has no connections to the gay mafia, just to clarify) hosts.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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