All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Thursday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» GOLD! Futurama, Sky Mix, 5.00pm Fry downloads Lucy Liu's personality into a robot and proceeds to indulge in some heavy duty frottage, until things go awry in typical fashion. Excuse us while we shed a tear for the untimely demise of Futurama, a show that still had so much to give. Bender, we hardly knew ye.
» OLD! The Simpsons, Channel 4, 6.00pm Dustin Hoffman guest stars as substitute teacher Mr Bergstrom. Dear Channel 4, please stop showing really, really ancient episodes of The Simpsons that everyone's already seen a hundred times. It was bad enough when BBC Two used to do it. Best wishes, lowculture.
» BEHOLD! Hard Spell, BBC One, 7.00pm As demonstrated on the lowculture messageboard earlier in the year, televised spelling bees are great fun, especially when there's some kind of wager taking place at home. Why not pick your favourite based on totally superficial reasons and see who wins? It's fun AND educational, and by recommending this, lowculture is fulfilling its public service remit for the next 12 months.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.