Monday, December 06, 2004
FUCK ME FACTS!
Good grief! You leave the facts for barely a moment *cough* and all of a sudden we're into a new month - and a festive one at that! We feel like Christmas has come early, though, 'cos we got some really good news last week. While we sit here in a cloud of smugness, feel free to peruse these amazing facts about Monday, December 6:
» The Isle of Wight Zoo announced a training programme to help Siberian tigers to cope with seeing snow for the first time. We doubt they'd have been bothered - they'd probably be too busy wondering what the fuck they were doing on the Isle of Wight.
» A survey conducted five years ago showed that Britons were expecting to travel a collective 16 billion miles to see their families at Christmas. For us, we have the choice between a 40 minute plane journey, or several hours on a ferry. But we're doing neither. We save that sort of family togetherness nonsense till at least February.
» An Essex detective who collared a thief in his house today in 2000 somehow managed to lose his pyjama trousers in the chase. Undeterred, he dragged the villain into the local village hall, stark-bollock naked. We're sure we've seen a movie that followed a similar plot line . . .
» On the same day, Scientists claimed to have invented a car that could run on hazelnuts. Ooh, we hope it was made of chocolate.
» At the inaugural Welsh Music Awards in 2001, Super Furry Animals took four titles. Nothing particularly funny or unusual about that, granted, but we're fans of the group and that justifies it in our eyes.
» Have the urge to wish a celebrity happy birthday today? Well, good fucking luck, 'cos the only names of "interest" we can find for today are Wallace and Gromit creater Nick Park (46) and Ace of Base musician Ulf Ekberg (34).
» Pantomime of the moment: Dick Whittington at the Palace Theatre, Mansfield. It stars Ray 'Alf' Meagher of Home and Away fame (!), and Diane 'Jet' Youdale from Gladiators (!!). Also appearing is Michael Knowles, but we have to admit we've no idea who he is.