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WHICH BITCH?

Patsy Kensit is due to turn up in Emmerdale any time now, and we're getting terribly excited about her joining the cast.
La Kensit will be playing Sadie King, a scheming, spiteful seductress who will stop at nothing to get her own way. One can only imagine what hidden qualities the producers saw in Patsy to make them think she would be suitable for such a role – they're certainly not immediately apparent to us.
Particularly exciting is the news that Sadie is going to appear in the village by helicopter. Anyone with a long memory will remember that Kim Tate, the previous superbitch, made her escape in one, so it seems only fitting that this new, completely identical character should arrive by the same means.
We hope that, following the casting of Keith Duffy out of Boyzone in Coronation Street and Patsy's Emmerdale adventure, there will be an unseemly rush to cast faded pop stars in soap operas. We would love to see the Reynolds Girls getting up to mischief in EastEnders, or perhaps Nicki French as the matriarch of a clan of gays in Family Affairs.
Stick your dream pop/soap casting suggestions in the comments box, please!

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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