The stuff you won't want to miss today.
» Home and Away 6pm, Five ... Sally becomes the new head of Summer Bay High. Her first act is to appoint invisible friend Milko as her deputy.
» Emmerdale 7pm, ITV1 ... Good news for fans of gratuitous post-teatime teenage nudity - Katie and Robert are shagging tonight!
» Holby City 8pm, BBC1 (still 8.30pm in Scotland, presumably, although we can't be arsed to check as we don't live there any more) ... Time is running out for evil Kelly, who accidentally lets slip to her halfwit brother that she is the one who has been bumping off patients left, right and centre.
» The Importance Of Being Famous 9pm, Channel 4 ... Daily Mirror editor Piers Morgan looks at the cult of celebrity, while Mark Owen reveals some of the low points of being well-known – not a topic he will have to trouble himself with for much longer, sadly.
» Take My Mother-In-Law 9.45pm, ITV1 ... This week, a shouty Edinburgh family are the swappers. This new series bears a striking resemblance to another series that we have been vaguely aware of recently - which we can only assume is entirely coincidental.
» Is there something else we should be watching? Click on the comment link.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.