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Thursday, February 14, 2008

Comedy of (potentially fatal) errors

CAUTIONARY! Bizarre ER, BBC Three, 10.30pm

BBC Three continues its trailblazing foray into high-quality multi-platform televisual goodness tonight with this not necessarily supposed to be funny (it's BBC Three; who knows) documentary series in which Crossroads star Freema Agyeman talks us through some of "the most extraordinary and eye-watering cases to come through the doors of a busy British A&E department". This first episode features pratfalls galore, with a poledancer who's fallen off her pole and a man who's fallen into an industrial cement mixer. Sounds bizarre? That's Bizarre ER! There's also a golfer who's smashed a golf ball into his girlfriend's teeth! Sounds bizarre? That's Bizarre ER! Then there's the student who's trapped his testicles under a sixty kilogram gearbox! Ooof! Sounds bizarre? That's Bizarre ER! A man with a bucket on his head! Sounds bizarre? That's Bizarre ER! An alcoholic who gets her thumb caught in the neck of a wine bottle, then gets drunk and forgets about it, goes to do her recycling a bit later, throws it into a bottle bank, smashes the bottle - thus releasing her thumb - but accidentally slashes open her wrist AND gets her arm stuck in the bottle bank at the same time! Sounds bizarre? That's Bizarre ER! An uninsured farmer who accidentally loses both arms and the best part of a foot when he tries to rescue a kitten from the thresher, thus completely destroying his livelihood! Also, the kitten doesn't survive either! Meowch! Sounds bizarre? That's Bizarre ER! A lollipop lady who gets caught up in a multi-vehicle pile-up involving - bizarrely! - a lorry containing a large quantity of lollipops, which goes on to explode right next to a petrol station, erupting in a ball of flame, blasting twisted metal and debris in all directions and impaling a number of passers-by and amateur heroes on wheel axles and shards of glass. There's blood everywhere - I mean, everywhere, right - and in amongst the pools of fire and dismembered limbs and general devastation one of the paramedics gets a nasty bump on the head from a 'MIND YOUR HEAD' sign! Whoops! Sounds bizarre? That's Bizarre ER! A ballerina who almost drowns and is pecked half to death when she stumbles into a 'Swan Lake'! Yikes! Sounds bizarre? That's Bizarre ER! A cleaner who falls into a vat of bleach! Sounds bizarre? That's Bizarre ER! Well, you get the general idea.

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