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An important announcement from the Cardiff tourist board

NEW! IMPROVED? Torchwood, BBC2, 9pm

Yes, that's right, our favourite Cardiff-based alien-hunting bisexuals are back! Now, we are actually quite excted about the return of Torchwood. Contrary to popular opinion, we didn't think series 1 was all that bad. Well, it was in parts, but some parts of it were really good. What it suffered from was complete inconsistency. And a not-altogether-likeable bunch of main characters (except Suzie. We loved Suzie). And the fact that it wasn't a patch on Doctor Who. Then The Sarah Jane Adventures came along and blew it out of the water.

However, the portents for series two of this Cardiff-set drama are pretty good. Apparently the team behind it decided to pull their socks up and rectify all the things that were so wrong first time around. So we've been promised less angst, more likeable characters, more engaging storylines, more Cardiff and even some humour. The post watershed edited repeat (startng next week) means that the violence, sex and swearing will be minimised and so it will hopefully feel a little bit less like late-night Hollyoaks (ZOMG! WE IZ CAN DO SWEARING AN STUFF. IN CARDIFF) and more like a proper good sci-fi drama romp. In Cardiff. We are also ultra, ultra excited by the prospect of Dame Martha Jones turning up halfway and being fierce.

Episode one sees the arrival in Cardiff of another time-travelling sexual terrorist time agent in the form of Captain John, who is played, excitingly, by James Marsters. Whilst he may seem a bit exciting to be visiting Cardiff, apparently Torchwood went down well in the USA, so we get some proper exciting guest stars this series, in the form of Marsters, Jim Robinson (sorry Alan Dale, but that's all you'll ever be in this country) and, bizarrely enough, Richard Briers. And we're sure the Cardiff skyline will play an important role, too. And though we haven't heard any rumours to support our theory, don't be surprised if Myleene Klass turns up. Just so that Barrowman doesn't get all the limelight.

Anyway. Things we would like to see in this series include Martha being uber-fierce, Captain Jack actually shagging an alien (all the pre-show publicity was like 'oh Captain Jack, he'll shag anyone or anything, but all we have seen so far is him snogging men and women! How vanilla!), the return of Suzie, some properly scary enemies, Rhys growing some balls, Owen facing up to being a Weevil-baiting 'good' rapist (TM Hollyoaks) who almost ended the world by chasing after a woman WHO DUMPED HIM, a kick-ass finale, preferably featuring Suzie, and some more of Tosh and Ianto. And Cardiff, of course.

Things we would like not to see include Owen (or anyone) shagging Martha, Owen shagging Gwen, Owen shagging Jack, Owen shagging Ianto, Owen shagging Toshiko, Owen shagging Suzie's corpse, Owen shagging Captain John, Owen shagging Jim Robinson, Owen shagging alien/guest character of the week, the return of that rubbish demon baddie thing that ruined the finale, a return to Countrycide village, Owen shagging Richard Briers.

Every source we have read or heard (including our own beloved leader Paul) says episode one of this new series of the Cardiff-based show is a triumph. So let's just hope the rest of it carries on in that vein, eh?

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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