Friday, June 01, 2007
TOMORROW! Mean Girls, Channel 4, 9.00pm (Saturday)
Fuck Friday night's television, we've got more important things to talk about. Technically we should probably have done a separate entry for this on Saturday, but we didn't want to run the risk of forgetting. After all, Saturday is our day of snorting cocaine out of the navels of cheap hookers - oh, wait, that's Lindsay Lohan's Saturday. Pre-rehab. Hopefully. Anyway, tomorrow is a very special event: the terrestrial premiere of Mean Girls, otherwise known as one of the greatest movies of the modern world.
It's hard to remember a time when Lindsay Lohan wasn't essentially a human tabloid, constantly mumbling slurred rhetoric about Al Gore and being "adequite", or leaving offensive messages on her MySpace directed at Shanna Moakler, or falling out of cars with no pants on and showing the world her firecrotch, or having very loud public arguments with whichever man she happened to be stepping out with at the time (and while we're on that subject: Calum Best? Really, Lindsay? Why must you try our patience like this? If you thought Jessica's tirade was intense, you ain't seen nothin' yet). But such a time did exist, when Lindsay had the most awesome flowing auburn locks in the world, was a surprisingly underrated actress, and made awesome movies like this one. Sigh.
There are many awesome things about this movie: It will extend your vocabulary (we'd never called anyone a "grotsky biotch", a "scum-sucking roadwhore" or a "fugly slut" until we saw this movie). It has a cast list boasting Tina Fey, Rachel McAdams, Lacey Chabert, Amanda Seyfried and Jonathan Bennett. It boasts the single greatest celluloid pratfall we've ever seen (involving a rubbish bin, and we'll say no more than that). It doesn't get any less awesome even after you've watched it 40 times (we can attest to this). It is endlessly quotable. And it's the last truly great film made by the nice Lindsay Lohan, as far as we can remember, before her bizarro alter-ego took control. So in the unlikely event that you haven't already seen it, we strongly recommend you take this opportunity, or we'll like totally call you a whore behind your back. Kisses!