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Crossing Jordin

FINALE! American Idol: The Finale, ITV2, 8.30pm

Jordin/Ryan/Blake = OT3 <3And so another season of American Idol draws to a close. But before we run off to scribe missives to the heads of ITV and 19 Television informing them precisely what torture we will exact on their treasured family pets if they recommission those hateful, vacuous Cat Deeley inserts for next season's coverage, we need to find out who won this year. And although the plethora of spoilers on the internet will make it easy for anyone who wants to know now, we should point out that at the time of writing this, the results are yet to be announced.

While this is probably unlikely to go down in history as a classic season of Idol, and the likes of Melissa McGhee and Ayla Brown are probably kicking themselves for not hanging on 12 months and entering this year where they could conceivably have wiped the floor with half of these people instead of finishing 12th and 13th respectively, it hasn't been without its moments. Let us pray silence as we remember: the Sanjaya Monologues, where the world's shiniest teenager continued to astound us every week with his latest hairdo; the Mysterious Mystery of Melinda Doolittle's Rapidly Vanishing Neck; the Equally Mysterious Mystery of Haley Scarnato's Rapidly Vanishing Hemline; and of course the epic love story of Blake Lewis and Chris Richardson that was brought to a cruel and premature end when Chris was voted off in fifth place, leading to officially the greatest hug in television history (which was edited out by those BASTARDS at ITV in favour of the Cat Deeley Redundancy Corner, so God bless YouTube). Good times:

After last week's shock elimination of the awesome Melinda Doolittle, it's Blake versus Jordin Sparks in the finale. Our money's on Jordin, except in the very literal sense where it's actually on Blake, but we made that bet several weeks ago when his victory looked a lot more likely, and also we stood to make more money on his odds than we did on hers. Regardless, this is the first finale in ages where we've loved the top 2 equally and don't mind who wins. Either one of them will make a fine replacement for Taylor Hicks's hideous spazzing face on next year's opening titles, so it's all good.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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