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Like no business we know

BUSINESS! Tycoon, ITV1, 9.00pm

TycoonHmm, how convenient. Just when everyone's looking for something to fill that Apprentice-shaped hole in their lives (and if you're us, rallying against the injustice that was Kristina's rejection), along comes ITV's very own piece of entreprenuerial-type programming - fronted by Dragons' Den's Peter Jones, taking the surely foolhardy step of offering to bankroll seven would-be tycoons while they hone a product that they believe will revolutionise the market. Y'know, if he's throwing cash around, there's some old Melrose Place merchandise on ebay that we'd really...not the right time? Okay, fine.

The inventions range from a range of upmarket urban gardening products to a free newspaper for teenagers. And because this is reality TV, all of the hopefuls have to live together and work together, presumably in claustrophobically close quarters in the hope that their short tempers will fray and there'll be some kind of beatdown. Because, to be honest, as much as we might want to believe we're watching it out of a genuine interest in business, really most of us just want to see a scrap.

And just to complete the business-viewing experience, former would-be Apprentice Syed Ahmed gets his own show on Sky One afterwards at 10pm, following his attempts to flog a revolutionary "warm-air dryer" which will make towels a thing of the past, drastically reduce the need for dry cleaning at gyms and stuff, and thereby save the world from a chemically-induced death or something. At least, it will if he can make a success of it, and we all saw last year that his business skills can be a little rough around the edges at times, and that's putting it politely. Sounds like a good evening, anyway.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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