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But it's also got Terri Dwyer, which balances things out nicely

VARIETY! Britain's Got Talent, ITV1, 9.00pm

Britain's Got TalentYes, we know, this actually started two days ago, but we can't be doing with making updates at the weekends. It's far too much like hard work. So, slightly belatedly, we turn our attention to nouveau variety show Britain's Got Talent, in which Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan and Amanda Holden play the judges to everyone in Britain who thinks they have a talent which presumably falls outside of the casting requirements for series four of The X Factor. It's actually weird to be considering a TV talent show that doesn't necessarily require you to sing or dance, or already be a celebrity of some kind.

The show follows the successful (as far as we understand) run of America's Got Talent on NBC last year, with Piers Morgan, pre-car-crash-drama Brandy and pre-floor-eating-insanity David Hasslehoff as the judges (with Sharon Osbourne replacing Brandy in the second season for obvious reasons), which was won by Bianca Ryan, an 11-year-old girl with a scarily big singing voice. Since most of the people who entered an actual dedicated singing competition in the UK last year were astonishingly underwhelming as it was, we're rooting for the knife swallowers and baton twirlers already.

We're slightly intrigued that the whole thing's airing on consecutive nights over the course of a week, which has a whiff of let's-just-get-this-over-with about it; we were expecting it to be a big Saturday night primetime thing. This way it feels a bit more Soapstar Superstar than it does The X Factor. So far on the messageboard only David Hunter and Smudge have admitted watching it, with David Hunter pointing out that "anything with a Michael Jackson theme got through" and Smudge noting that it was "a shame that old man didn't stab his daughter". On the strength of these recommendations, we're planning to tune in tonight.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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