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Selection box

Frankly we're still in a state of shock over the result of The Apprentice last night, and we're considering boycotting all reality shows that don't involve an entirely democratic public vote that only elects the most deserving people to victory, like, um, Steve Brookstein and Michelle McManus. Anyway, we can't quite get up the enthusiasm to rant at length about one programme, so we're going to talk about a few in slightly shorter form, just for a change.

SOAP! Hollyoaks, Channel 4, 6.30pm
HollyoaksThe rape alert is currently at maroon, which means Katy Fox is back in town. We were hoping that she might have been hit by a big red bus while in Television's London and unable to return to Chester to irritate the living shit out of us all with her horrid whiny voice and total inability to act (we've said it before and we'll say it again: when the quality of your acting is so poor that you stick out as a weak link on Hollyoaks, you've really got problems), but no such luck. The good news is that her oh-so-tragic-and-star-crossed love affair with Justin is about to be dealt a blow, because Clare's going to tell Warren all about it and he's going to interrupt their flabby lovemaking to deliver a smackdown. Hooray! We love Clare and her pantomime evil ways. Speaking of star-crossed love, Amy and Josh continue to fight for their tru luv 4 eva, in spite of the crucial facts that (a) he hit her dad on the head with a brick, (b) she's got a child he doesn't know about, and (c) they're both incredibly tedious and no one really gives a shit.

POLICE! The Bill, ITV1, 8.00pm
The BillSimon? Really? Okay, fine, we're going to let it go now. Special mention to The Bill today as former This Life-er Amita Dhiri joins the cast as DC Grace Dasari, a part which was apparently written specially for her, which must be nice. She's thrown in at the deep end nice and quickly to help Mickey on the case of a woman trying to find her son, who's been missing for 11 years. We're assuming they've already checked outside the sweet shop where she left him.

COMEDY! My Name Is Earl, Channel 4, 10.00pm
My Name Is EarlIt's been kicked around the schedules like a redheaded stepchild, but series two finally has a home on Channel 4, albeit not in the usual comedy slot. It's pioneering, though, and we're all in favour of that. Earl's taking the opportunity to revisit his list of things he needs to make right in his life, for reasons that we're not entirely sure of. Possibly just because it's season two, and that's the sort of thing you do at the the beginning of a new season, isn't it? Also of note: this is immediately followed by the film Inside Deep Throat, which sounds like a jolly romp. Have fun!

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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