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WEEKEND LOW POINTS

The stuff you won't want to miss.
SATURDAY
» Dawson's Creek 1.55pm, Five ... The Creek makes a bizarre switch to Five for one final season of people in their thirties pretending to be teenagers and talking bollocks about feelings and stuff.
» Big Brother's Little Wedding 6pm, Sky One ... "Which One Was He?" and "Oh, yeah, I think I vaguely remember her" off Big Brother get married.
» Stars In Their Eyes 7.15pm, ITV1 ... Hooray! Matthew Kelly is back after that bit of unpleasantness, ready to introduce more substandard singers who occasionally sound a little bit like who they are supposed to.
» National Television Awards Party Of The Year 9.05pm, ITV1 ... ITV bring things bang up-to-date with coverage of a party that took place in October. And, to make things worse, it's hosted by Jonathan Wilkes. Unbelievable!
» Jordan Night 9.05pm, BBC Three ... The BBC's youth channel continues its mission to inform and entertain with distinctive programming with a triple bill of documentaries about everyone's favourite big-breasted freak.
SUNDAY
» Midsomer Murders 9pm, ITV1 ... This is another one of those programmes that defines what lowculture is all about. We love to watch it in secret, but we wouldn't want any of our friends to know. Although the cat is out of the bag now. Anyway, in this new episode, whatever-Bergerac-thinks-he's-called-in-this gets a hunky new sidekick and, as ever, must solve a series of increasingly ridiculous murders, including that of a local busybody who is found dead in her Flamenco outfit at the village Spanish evening.
» America's Fattest City 9pm, Channel 4 ... Look! Look at all the fat people! Isn't it funny?
» Shattered 10pm, Channel 4 ... Dermot O'Leary hosts a new series from the makers of Big Brother in which a bunch of losers in something that looks suspiciously like a Big Brother house must try to stay awake for as long as possible. A similar challenge will face viewers who try to follow the round-the-clock coverage on E4.
» Is there something else we should be watching? Click on the comment link.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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