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It's Dolly Parton's 58th birthday today, and we're in such a state of excitement about the whole thing that we've done another fact frenzy. As ever, every second fact on the list is completely fictional.
1. Dolly met her husband, Cark, in a laundrette on her first day in Nashville. What a stroke of luck!
2. Dolly Parton is famous for having quite big tits – but few people realise this is because she actually has four or five down there instead of the normal two.*
3. She's a big fan of cosmetic surgery. At the first sign of something sagging, wrinkling or bulging, she's right on the table for it to be ironed, sliced up, sucked out or tucked in.
4. Dolly is not allowed to come within 500 metres of Linda Ronstadt after an unfortunate incident involving a fishslice and a cement mixer.*
5. It is estimated that Dolly has written around 5000 songs, of which she has recorded and released nearly 350 herself. Her first composition, Little Tiny Tassleto, was written when she was just three, in honour of her corn-cob doll. As Dolly could not read or write at the time, she got her mum to write out the lyrics on her behalf.
6. Dolly stands just five feet tall – but by the time she puts on her wig and heels, she is six foot five.*
7. La Parton is afraid of the dark after being locked in the school cloakroom by some horrible classmates when she was a nipper.
8. Whenever Dolly leaves the house, she always has to nip back inside to make sure she has not left the iron on.*
9. Dolly was part-owner of Sandollar Productions, which produced Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
10. Dolly never wears a pair of shoes more than once.*
* Not true
» OTHER PEOPLE BLOWING OUT THEIR CANDLES TODAY INCLUDE: Mike Reid, aka Frank Butcher off EastEnders (64) ... Michael Crawford. Ooh, Betty, et-fucking-cetera (62).

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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