The schlock you won't want to miss today.
» The Bill 8pm, ITV1 ... Last week's live episode was a triumph, although if there was any reason for it being live other than just showing off, we have no idea what it might have been. But how can they follow such a thrilling hour of television? By having evil Cathy Bradford make a live TV appearance on Lorraine Kelly's breakfast tv sofa.
» What Not To Wear 8.30pm, BBC2 ... Television's most entertaining cheeky bitches are back with more makeover advice, starting with a much-needed look at the apparel of David Baddiel.
» The Million Pound Property Experiment 9pm, BBC2 ... Trading Up presenters Justin and Colin extend their televised campathon into the hours of darkness with this new show, in which they must do up a house each week and sell it at a profit, which is carried over to the next episode. At the end, they will give all the cash to Children in Need. Hooray!
» Hollyoaks: Leap Of Faith 10.40pm, Channel 4 ... So, Brookside is dead. And what are Channel 4 giving us instead? Even more dreary episodes of Hollyoaks, that's what. This one is a bit different, being one of their tits-and-arse-and-violence-packed late-night specials. Watch it if you like tits, arse or violence.
» Is there something else we should be watching? Click on the comment link.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.