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Tuesday's Low Points

The schlock you won't want to miss today.
» Britain's Worst Celebrity Driver 8.30pm, Five ... Contains the shocking revelation that Nicholas Parsons is a menace behind the wheel.
» Wife Swap 9pm, Channel 4 ... It's the last one and, in a slight twist from the usual format, it's the husbands who swap places this week. Look out for the much-anticipated celebrity special, starring Jade out of Big Brother and that coughing army bloke, in a few weeks.
» Brookside 10.40pm, Channel 4 ... If you've been held prisoner in a disused warehouse for the last year by Lindsey Corkhill and her lesbian lover, you will not be aware that this is the final episode. But it is. We were shocked last week at the antics of new thug Michaelson, who was going around beating people up and saying "fuck" with careless abandon. We can only hope that Lindsey and fellow guest-star Barry Grant will come up with a suitably inventive way to kill him. We're picturing him hanging from the window of his burning house or something. Unmissable!
» Is there something else we should be watching? Click on the comment link.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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