Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Our Tivo Still Thinks We're Clay
Back in July, MArkNYC filled our messageboard punters in on some of the television series that were filling the American airwaves over the summer. Then we stole it for the website to disguise that fact that we hadn't written anything ourselves. As the fall television season is firmly underway here, he thought he would update them again on some of the crap we are watching. And we thought we would steal it again. So here it is...
» FRESHMAN DIARIES: Showtime gave twelve students at the University of Texas video cameras to document their first year. The ‘uncensored’ results have been hilarious and heartbreaking. We like the straight boy who becomes a violent drunk until he goes back to the dorm and makes the move on his unfortunate gay roommate. Tip to the kids: If you plan on complaining about your parents on national television, don’t do it while smoking a bong.
» ONE TREE HILL: The WB brings us this drama of a young hot boy (Chad Michael Murray) in a small town who joins the basketball team despite having the father who abandoned him as his coach. To make the scenario even more side-splitting, his evil half-brother is his teammate. The many locker room scenes are just a bonus.
» SKIN: FOX promised us fun with this Romeo and Juliet tale about the son of a city prosecutor and the daughter of a porn magnate falling in love. The kids are not hard to look at, but the premise wore out 40 minutes into the first episode. Bonus: Laura Leighton who played Sydney on Melrose Place has a small role!
» TARZAN: The WB has chosen to update the tale by casting Calvin Klein underwear model Travis Fimmel as the mythic hero. The series has tons of potential but is compromised by the fact that Travis wears too many clothes. The best news is the return of Lucy Lawless!
» COUPLING: NBC has photocopied the original and only added American actors and really cheap sets. We would like to tell you more, but our Tivo seems to only record the first fifteen minutes. By the time you read this it will be cancelled and gone anyway.
» CARNIVALE: HBO has unleashed this brilliant new drama about carnival freaks and bizarre religion that crosses The Grapes of Wrath with Twin Peaks. Stars include Nick Stahl (Bully, Terminator 3), Clea DuVall (Popular, Girl Interrupted) and the exceedingly great Adrienne Barbeau (Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death).
» THE GAUNTLET: REAL WORLD VS ROAD RULES CHALLENGE: These kids are getting older so the fighting and bickering is becoming embarrassing. We only like to watch because Trishelle from the Las Vegas cast fell off a bicycle early on and has a black and blue face that makes us chuckle.
» RICH GIRLS: MTV introduces us to Ally Hilfiger (the daughter of Tommy Hilfiger) and her best friend Jaime Gleicher (the daughter of some other rich person) and lets us follow their charmed life. In the first episode, Jaime excitedly tells her manicurist about her plans to loose her virginity at the prom. Later her date gets sick in the limo after drinking too much coffee. No one including their friends and family seem to be able to stand these two, so it should be a suitable replacement in the Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica timeslot.
» SURVIVOR PEARL ISLANDS (CBS): We’re really bored of this entire concept, except this time they have to act like pirates! The problem is, only one of them does and he scares us a bit. We stopped watching and went back to Friends.
» EXTREME MAKEOVER: ABC started this earlier this year so it is not really new, but we are happy it is back. One episode featured a woman who felt she was not as attractive as her identical twin. Several fractured bones and dangerous surgical procedures later, she felt a little better.
» JOE MILLIONAIRE: FOX brings us a second series of trickery. This time the ladies are just as stupid, but the twist is that they are stupid Europeans who still don’t have a clue that the new eligible stud is not really rich.
» JOE AVERAGE: NBC hops on board by taking a pretty young lady and promising her a mate. Little does she know she has to pick from the middle age, fat, hairy guys who make up the target audience.