The schlock you won't want to miss today
» Home and Away 6pm ... Unfortunately, this once-great soap has slipped under our radar for the past few years. We might be tempted to tune in more often if the run of bonkers plots featuring great characters of yesteryear continues, though. We've had Morag back, scarier than ever, and now Sophie has turned up, eager to become a surrogate mother for Sally. And that's before we even consider the return of Ailsa as an evil imaginary pixie that only Alf can see.
» Who Killed Marilyn Monroe? Revealed 9pm, Five ... We're betting that this programme will singularly fail to reveal any such thing.
» Inside Soap Awards 9pm, Living TV ... Latest of about a million different soap-related awards ceremonies. Worth checking out to see Jessie Wallace looking orange in a ridiculous dress, if nothing else.
» Snatch 10pm, Five ... Probably not really low culture at all, but it did inspire our favourite song lyric ever ("You love Grease, baby, I love Snatch... But even so we're a perfect match" – A*Teens, A Perfect Match), so it's going in on the strength of that alone.
» Teachers 10pm, Channel 4 ... Brian and Kurt come to the shocking conclusion that they are as good as married.
» Is there something else we should be watching? Click on the comment link.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.