The schlock you won't want to miss today (and one item that you will already have missed, as it was on three hours before this was posted).
» Victoria Principal's Skincare 6am, Living TV ... A whole half hour of early morning infotainment! If there's a better way to start the day that doesn't involve some kind of self-abuse, we've no idea what it might be.
» Countdown 3.15pm, Channel 4 ... The elderly and unemployed are up-in-arms about Countdown's new, earlier slot, but we can't see what all the fuss is about – it's an hour less to wait in order to watch Richard Whitely read out page after page of dull jokes emailed in by viewers while Carol Vorderman guffaws unconvincingly in the background.
» Neighbours 5.35pm, BBC1 ... Slutty schoolmistress Libby must face the consequences of shagging Taj. We think they're being a bit rough on her – can any one of us really say we wouldn't have done the same thing in her position? Exactly!
» EastEnders 8pm, BBC1 ... It's the one we've all been waiting for. No, not the bizarre egg whisk and JCB accident that finally kills off Nana Moon, Barry and that woman who doesn't like loud music. We're talking about the return of Den Watts. Which is tonight.
» Terri McIntyre 9.30pm, BBC3 ... Terri and Kelli are at loggerheads once again as they compete to be the first to shag a new rep.
» Is there something else we should be watching? Click on the comment link.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.