The schlock you won't want to miss today.
» Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman: The Movie 3.40pm, Five ... Dr Quinn, The Episodes were always exciting enough, so if you're of a nervous disposition, you will probably be better off not watching this. The rest of us can look forward to slutty Dr Quinn's head being turned by a swarthy visiting doctor.
» Hollyoaks 6.30pm, Channel 4 ... Toby is sick and tired of people interfering in his hobby of murdering blonde women.
» TOTP2 7pm, BBC2 ... That That are joined on stage by an elderly Scottish lady, while Diana Ross wheels out My Old Piano. Well, her old piano, actually.
» The Bill 8pm, ITV1 ... It looks like Jim Carver's crazy alcoholic wife has been beating him up. Will he find solace in the arms of the ravishing June Ackland?
» Art and the City 9.30pm, BBC3 ... James Gooding takes a rare break from cheating on high-profile celebrity ladies to present a wanky art documentary.
» Is there something else we should be watching? Click on the comment link.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.