Monday, September 22, 2003
Hooray! It's Terri McIntyre day
Here are 15 things you need to know about Terri McIntyre:
1. It's great.
2. Terri is played by a man dressed up as a lady.
3. The series is described by the BBC as "less Sex and the City, more Sex in the Street"
4. It's from Scotland. Other great Scottish things include lowculture, Irn Bru, the Sunday Post, and Scotch pies.
5. It has a character named Kelli Jaconelli. She and Terri are bitter rivals now, but they were once great pals – they did the pubs and clubs together right up until they were 12 or 13.
6. The first episode, which is on BBC3 tonight at 9.30pm, is a corker. Terri is no longer at her salon, Fan of the Tan, due to impending bankruptcy, and is now a sales rep for Tannissimo Intensive Tanning Products. It’s the photo shoot for the annual company calendar, and Terri and Kelli are vying for the cover shot. Arlene is busy learning to drive, but as she’s making no signs of progress, Terri decides to start teaching her herself. Terri tries to get on the good side of the photographer by offering her services as a model, which he unexpectedly takes her up on, so she promptly withdraws her services as Arlene’s driving instructor. But life as a model isn’t quite what she bargained for.
7. Tannissimmo's slogan is "United We Tan, Divided We Peel"
8. It's directed by Andrew Gillman, who was responsible for The Day Today and ‘That Peter Kaye Thing’.
9. Simon Carlyle, who plays Terri, was once a champion ice dancer.
10. Terri's best friend Arlene, played by Helen Devon, is also great.
11. The first series looked like it was made on a budget of about 37p, but it was still the best thing on telly that year.
12. Although Terri is a size 16, she orders her leggings in a size 10, because they're stretchy.
13. Terri has a sister, Bernadette, who is a top country and wester singer in the Gambia. Unfortunately, she doesn't actually sing on any of her own records, having fucked her voice in a fire-eating accident.
14. Arlene is the only supporting character from the first series to appear in the new one, which is a big shame, as they were all ace. We will miss Dinah, Terri's Englebert Humperdink-loving ("I would only kick him out of bed tae shag him on the floor") , arm-wrestling ("First prize is headscarves tonight!"), Stylophone-playing, meat-frying ("You should see the hob I've got up at the van – it can roast the arse out of an egg in 30 seconds!") mother, most of all.
15. But even so, it will still be fucking great! So watch it.