The schlock you won't want to miss today » Eastenders 7.30pm, BBC1 ... Derek gets banged up after Martin's horticultural activities are discovered. Aw, it's about time the old chap had a romantic storyline.
» Masters & Servants 9pm, Channel 4 ... Tonight, the Mehtas from India and the Hasting-Evans family take turns in filling the roles of lords of the manor and drudges. You just can't get the staff these days.
» Police Academy 9pm, Five ... Worth a mention because Kim Cattrall stars in the original and best of the series, which died with a whimper after about 70 (or so) sequels. We knew we'd seen her somewhere before!
» Red Dwarf 11.50pm, BBC2 ... Cardboardy sets aside, we have fond memories of the earlier episodes of the sci-fi series. Keep an eye out for Lister tucking into a meal fit for a butcher's dog when provisions run low on an arctic moon.»
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.