Wednesday, July 09, 2003
Yes, it does make us feel good actually
The excitement never starts in River City, BBC Scotland's deeply unpopular soap opera.
Ratings are plunging merrily downward, and producers have decided that desperate times call for desperate measures. And fucking hell – these measures are truly desperate.
» Sanjay out of EastEnders has been hired for a guest role as a gay undertaker.
» Lorraine McIntosh, alias 'Her' out of Deacon Blue, is back! As you may remember if you've been reading this rubbish for a while, she plays Alice Henderson, mother of Derek the ned*, and a former smackhead. We are told the dramatic storyline will see her "encourage Moira to read some feminist literature". Can't wait.
» Jane Asher is joining as the glamorous but bitchy owner of a local hotel. OK, we might have made that one up. But if you think that's silly, how about ...
» Stefan Dennis! Yes, the former Neighbours superstar is currently slumming it in a studio complex somewhere on the west coast of Scotland, where he is creating the role of Dr Marcus McKenzie for our viewing pleasure.
Which brings us neatly to the Stefan Dennis Pay It Forward Campaign. This is an attempt by the nice people at cfbgoespop to bring a bit of happiness into Stefan's life, which must surely still be coloured by the bittersweet memories of Don't It Make You Feel Good (yeah!) and This Love Affair, his much-maligned 'music' releases.
If we're understanding this idea correctly, the mere mention of his name on this website will mean all of life's good things will soon come to Stefan, and if that's all it takes, we are more than happy to oblige. Consider yourself paid forward, 'Stef'.
* Pure dead brilliant Scottish word meaning hooligan or petty criminal, a stupid or loutish boy or man. You can find huge packs of them outside chip shops and in children's playgrounds at night, drinking Buckfast and Thunderbird and saying things like "Naw, ahm urney" ("No, I'm not").