The schlock you won't want to miss today
» Diagnosis Murder 2.35pm, BBC1 ... Dr Sloan is determined to find out who is stalking a nervous pop singer. Is the stalker five months pregnant with great big tits? If so, we think we might be able to help Dr Sloan's investigations.
» Big Brother's Little Brother 6pm, Channel 4 ... For us, the real star of Big Brother this year has been Dermot O'Leary, especially his outrageously camp dancing last week. So enjoy him while you can, as there's only a week and a bit to go.
» Liquid News 8pm/12.10am, BBC Three ... Stop us if you've heard this before, but Paddy O'Connell is fantastic! Watch him every day and your life will be better.
» How Clean is Your House? 8.30pm, Channel 4 ... It's the last episode - boo! But it looks like it will be another good one, as Kim and Aggie visit a manky bitch who sleeps with three cats and has a nest of beetles in her oven.
» Is there something else we should be watching? Click on the comment link.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.