The schlock you won't want to miss today
» Big Strong Boys 11am, BBC1 ... This show has been completely spoiled for us since Sarah Matravers, aka the evil Victoria Baptiste from Dream Team, joined as a presenter. We keep expecting her to try to sabotage the makeovers with some devious sexual plot.
» Murder, She Wrote 2.35pm, BBC1 ... Jessica receives a proposal of marriage. The chance of him being laid out on a mortuary slab by the end of the first act, or behind bars before the credits roll, are surely high.
» Family Affairs 6.30pm, Five ... Dave and Jake are shocked when Paul tells them they will both be out of a job. Not half as shocked as most of the cast were when they were told something similar last week, we bet.
» Hollyoaks Midnight, E4 ... Late night repeat alert! We hope they do a Night and Day and insert lots of extra tits and ass to create a soft porn version.
» Oh yeah, and something called I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here is starting at 9pm on ITV1. We've never heard of it, and there's been a refreshing lack of advance hype in the papers, but a few of you might want to watch it all the same.
» Is there something else we should be watching? Click on the comment link.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.