The schlock you won't want to miss today
» Britney Spears Live in Las Vegas 1pm, Channel 4 ... A rare TV tip for our straight male readers (reader?).
» Smallville 6.35pm, Channel 4 ... This is going from strength to strength in its second series, and Tom Welling is certainly not getting any uglier, which helps enormously. In tonight's episode, Clark tries to save a young telepathic friend from some evil scientists.
» Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em 7pm, BBC2 ... Someone at BBC2 authorises the 256th repeat of a fucking ancient sitcom, with hilarious consequences.
» High Road 7pm, ITV Scottish/Grampian ... It's the last episode. Scotland's elderly will be weeping into their shortbread tins tonight.
» Dream Team 8pm, Sky 1 ... It's breaking our hearts to watch the bad-to-the-bone Jamie Parker getting more fiendish with each passing week. Although we would quite like it if we were to follow up his current evil deeds form an unholy pact with Satan and Victoria Baptiste. For now, we'll have to settle for watching him do nasty things to Fletch.
» Mile High 10pm, Sky 1 ... Words cannot describe just how much we now love Mile High. We would watch 36 episodes a week if somebody was willing to make them. This week, Will treats himself to some birthday Botox, which does anything but put a smile on his face.
» Is there something else we should be watching? Click on the comment link.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.