Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Earthquake 2008: Were YOU affected?
LOWCULTURE SPECIAL REPORT
The lowculture Actionline has been inundated with calls as a result of last night’s earthquake in parts of England. As part of lowculture's commitment to its readers, we have shared some of your reader concerns with our resident seismologist Fenella Fissure, to find out the tectonic truth for you, the reader.
Coxy1979 says: ‘In London, I felt nothing.’
‘This is a common side-effect of living in London,’ sighs Fenella. ‘Have you thought about moving to Lincolnshire? They feel things there. Lovely, warm little communities. Built on shaky ground.’
mcflooze says: ‘My flat's on stilts.’
‘Interesting,’ muses Fenella. ‘I would remove the stilts instantly. Stilts are never amusing.’
Becky says: ‘It felt like someone shaking me to wake up without the pressure of anyone touching me - like a ghost or something.’
‘I think you will find that it was actually a spiritual presence,’ divines Fenella. ‘As a seismologist, I couldn’t possibly help. Perhaps a medium would be handy?’
RAD says: ‘A friend of mine fell out of bed.'
‘Yes, this is a common effect of an earthquake,’ smiles Fenella. ‘And it can be FATAL. And here is the evidence! The best thing to do in such circumstances is to place bars around the bed, like I do. Of course, when the earth is moving, the bars do tend to get in the way! Ha ha. Yes. But in the event of an earthquake, you must ensure you can escape quickly! So bars may not be a good idea after all.’
[james] says: ‘I briefly thought I'd be crushed in some bizarre multifloor menage a trois accident.’
‘Oh yes, the old multifloor ménage à trois phenomenon,’ remembers Fenella. ‘It would be much easier if people carried out a proper structural analysis of their rooms before attempting sex in a threesome. As I do.’
LoveMusic says: ‘i just woke up, i feel like this is some sort of a dream.’
‘It is a dream,’ imagines Fenella. ‘Go back to sleep.’
Our thanks to Fenella for her insight.
Have you been affected by this story? You can send your pictures to email@example.com or text them to 61124. Do it. Do it now. SEND, citizen journalist! At no time should you endanger yourself or others, take any unnecessary risks or infringe any laws. But it would be really helpful if you did, as we could fill up lots of web space.