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Sweet charity

BUSINESS! Comic Relief Does The Apprentice, BBC1, 9.00pm

Comic Relief Does The ApprenticeHere's the funny thing with celeb reality formats - sometimes they work, and sometimes they don't. (We know, how very profound of us, right?) However, we have a feeling that this might prove to be an absolute corker. Two teams of celebs, divided into males and females, compete to win the approval of Sralan Sugar. There's no actual job up for grabs, because frankly none of them actually need it (now that's a revolution), so all that's driving them is the deep, ingrained desire of mankind to come out on top. Which means they're going to play vicious - hooray!

Possibly the biggest masterstroke as far as we're concerned was landing Dame Cheryl of Cole to represent for the ladies - we like to think that she has the cold, calculating look of a ruthless businesswoman about her, and would willingly trample over the men's team for a free bottle of water (although given the prices of chilled beverages in London these days, who wouldn't?). Plus, y'know, she's got ghostbusting experience, which means she has to be hard as nails, right? Also on Team Cheryl will be Trinny Woodall, Jo Brand, Maureen Lipman and Karren Brady. Representing the presumably feckless menfolk are Alastair Campbell, Rupert Everett, Piers Morgan, Danny Baker and Ross Kemp. Yeah, we're totally Team Cheryl on this one.

Obviously this will be a condensed version of the usual Apprentice competition, but as far as we're concerned that just means that there'll be the same amount of backstabbing crammed into a much smaller timeframe. Hooray! They'll be using their celeb contacts to raise as much money as possible, and someone will be fired. And if it's Cheryl, we're going to look very stupid tomorrow. But it won't be, right? Team Cheryl!

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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