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Biggvs dickvs

HISTORIC! Rome, BBC2, 9.00pm
It's an involving drama set in ancient Rome starring a lot of noteworthy classically trained British actors. Stop! Come back! We have good news; it's been co-produced with HBO, so it's bound to contain lots of sex, swearing and nudity. Huzzah!

The plot centres around the birth and development of the Roman Empire and starts tonight in 52BC as Julius Caesar triumphs over the Gauls. At this point, we feel honour-bound to remind you of the nudity, sex, swearing and promise of future lesbyterian storylines. Just in case your attention was wandering, you understand. There are lots of famous faces in the cast, including James Purefoy, Lindsay Duncan, David Bamber, Ciaran Hinds and Kevin McKidd; indeed, the entire production looks like it's got "epic" written all over it. At eleven parts, it's not quite as much of an investment as Lost, and that's no bad thing. We gave up on Lost ages ago anyway.

There's also the promise of lots of hulking, sweaty male torsos, and there's probably going to be some smouldering homoeroticism sooner or later (although it seems to be heavily womanlove-centric in the early episodes) so what's not to love? Warning: enjoying this programme may provoke an interest in ancient history and lead to trips to the library. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Also tonight: it's the last episode in the third series of Kath and Kim, featuring a guest appearance from Kylie Minogue as the grown-up version of baby Epponnee. Tune in, ploise.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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