Monday, August 08, 2005
Let's face the judges and bitch
JUDGEMENT! America's Next Top Model, Living TV, 9.00pm
We've been extremely well-behaved and we haven't mentioned America's Next Top Model for two whole Mondays now, so perhaps you can forgive us previewing it yet again: there are only three episodes to go (and possibly a clipshow) before we find out just who will become America's...Next...Top...Model (which we now always write with ellipses thanks to the Saturday Night Live skit which is linked to on our messageboards). Last week we waved a sad farewell to Michelle, the hulking wrestler who was a mess in person but took amazing photographs, giving us all a bit of hope that the sometimes the camera lies, and lies in your favour to boot. So, who's left? Bug-eyed Christina, raucous Britanny, mellow Kahlen, chubby Keenyah and wildcard Naima. Anyone who witnessed the many scenes of group frivolity last week (conveniently leaving aside the awkward scene in the restaurant where Naima asked Michelle if she felt alienated - well, yes, Naima, she does now) may be disappointed at the lack of bitchery in the final five - we're sadly bereft of a Yaya in this cycle to wind everybody up, so what better way to rectify that than some honest-to-goodness manipulative stirring? We've all become accustomed to the barbed putdowns of the judging panel (in particular the awesome Janice Dickinson) when everybody's so-called "best shot" is evaluated, but this week the girls will be invited to critique each other's pictures. Let's hope that some of the bitchiness comes to the forefront at long last: "Keenyah looks like she wants a donut", "Brittany isn't so much haute couture as she is ho' couture", "Christina will never be able to model lipstick because she has no lips", etc etc. And of course one girl will be eliminated, leaving us one step closer to discovering who will become America's...Next...Top...Model. See? We really can't stop doing that.