The stuff you won't want to miss today.
» Location Location Location Revisited 8pm, Channel 4 ... Phil and Kirsty revisit an Ipswich couple they helped in a previous series to see if they've made a packet on their property investment.
» How Clean Is Your House? 8.30pm, Channel 4, 8.30pm ... Kim and Aggie are back with an extra-long second series. Tonight, they visit a clatty songwriter who has an "open-cage" policy when it comes to her 11 pet birds.
» The Bodyguard 9pm, Five ... There was a time before Whitney Houston was an "exhaustion"-ravaged mess, and this cheerful slice of schmatz was released when she was at the very pinnacle of her fame. It's quite sad to look at this and compare it to how very, very tired she looks now.
» The Royal Variety Performance 9pm, ITV1 ... Pop loon Bedingfield, Busted and Donny Osmond all pitch up for this year's show, which is hosted (badly, one would presume) by Cat Deeley.
» Celebrity Feuds Behaving Badly 10pm, Sky One ... This gets a mention purely because the grammar in the title is so fucking ludicrous.
» Is there something else we should be watching? Click on the comment link.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.