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Ray Shah-t his pants (nearly)

lowculture was close to mourning the loss of a bumper crop of salabrities after the contents of Ray's chopper nearly blew sky high the other night.
Okay, let's explain that in more, but slightly less suggestive, detail. The lovely Mr Shah was being flown home from the launch of Sheffield's Gatecrasher One nightclub when the door of the helicopter blew open.
The poor BB4 runner-up is apparently terrified of heights* and had to be calmed by his fellow passengers.
Wait, did we describe them as mere passengers!? Had the open door resulted in, say, a bird strike killing all of the chopper's occupants, our TV screens may never have been the same.
For sitting alongside Ray were One True Voice's Anton Gordon! Dane Bowers! and Ben Ofoedu from out of Phats and Small! However, the latter two managed to wrestle the door shut, and tragedy was averted.
Still, we're more than aware of the dangers windchill can bring, so the one small comfort we could have grasped from any D-list disaster would have been that the passengers had just attended a party with a guestlist that hasn't been seen since . . . 1984.
Among the crowds were the likes of Human League (mingling), Duran Duran (mingling) and Jordan (just minging).
Still, we're left wondering (after Nush's mugging the other week) whether this year's Big Brother contestants are suffering some kind of Final Destination-type curse.
Well, it stands to reason: Their TV careers were meant to have all died together in the Big Brother house. But they escaped to grace another newspaper headline . . . and now they're paying the price**.
*We may not be scientists here, but we're fairly sure a helicopter's height from the ground isn't affected by whether the door's open or not.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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