Tuesday, September 16, 2003
"Oh, Evie! We simply have to design a whole new collection by half past six!"
Unlikely as it may seem, the Elliot sisters from House of Elliot, the BBC's classic sewing and shagging period drama, have been in touch. Even more intriguingly, there seem to be two Beatrices, but only one Evangeline.
"Dear Mr Low Culture," begin the impudent wenches.
"You claim to be 'up' on your lowcultureness, but we have noticed something lacking from your site."
This site is frequently found lacking in a great many areas, but the "Elliots" are more specific.
"Something so critical to your readership's diet of brilliance it comes as a shock it is not present. Yes you have Cathy Bradford, but what is life without The House Of Elliot?!?!
"Beatrice (Bea) and Evangeline (Evie) Elliot hereby challenge you, and your so called 'readers', to the ultimate test of skill and ability: The House Of Elliot, House Challenge.
Well, bugger us gently!
"A magnificent prize will be presented to the first person that can answer every question (including you). The prize is a wonderful garment fashioned by The House Of Elliot itself!*"
So here, then, are the first three questions. (We're going to ration them throughout the week, as there are loads)
1. Complete this well known Elliot saying "I refuse to feel ------!"
a) "Your leg!"
2. "Charity begins..." where?
a) "With the needy!"
b) "With those who are starving and less fortunate than us living in our £5 million mansion!"
c) "At home!"
3. With what did the ravishing sisters create all of their clothes?
a) "The finest fabrics money can buy!"
b) "Dead animal pelts!"
c) "Father's rags!"
* the phrase "wonderful garment fashioned by The House Of Eliott itself" actually means the cheapest thing we can find in TK Maxx.
» More tomorrow, unless public demand forces a rethink.